A belated Happy New Year!
The Times Square New Year celebration always gives me the opportunity to hone my urban survival skills. Where else can you be trapped in a pen for upwards of 12 hours with people you never would be with otherwise? This year because of the mild weather, it was extraordinarily packed with revelers.
I had the privilege of being privy to a conversation my brother had with some European tourists on the way to Times Square. My brother told them he was a retired police officer, so the tourists naturally asked him if there was any guidance he could provide to them as they celebrated the New Year in the Big Apple.
He explained that the police are forced to be there for a very long period of time so they have developed some strategies to get through the night. These strategies will help them as the police pen people in at a first come first serve basis. The tourists needed to get there hours before midnight and once penned in, they could not leave. Here are his tips:
1. Do not wear any New Years “bling” such as 2012 glasses, mardi gras beads or funny hats. That stuff makes them look incredibly stupid and is just a homing beacon for perps.
2. Go to the nearest pharmacy and buy something called Imodium. Take one and you will not have to do #2 for the entire night. You do not want to be the one smelling like poop with hundreds of people surrounding you. You will also save yourself from the brown spot walk of shame home.
3. While at the pharmacy, buy adult diapers. (the tourists never heard of them). He explained these are diapers that adults can wear and if they needed to do#1 they can just go ahead and do it at their leisure. When the ball drops all they need to do is take them off and cast them into the nearest receptacle. He further explained that this is the reason that cops’ asses look so big in their uniform pants.
4. Wear waterproof shoes…. not all people heed suggestion#2
5. Lastly, he recommended they stay home, watch Dick Clark and kiss their honey. They will not have to worry about poop, piss and crime (hopefully).
Although this actually did happen, he was joking and told them so. 🙂
Have a Happy New Year!
urbansurvivalblog 